I've said this statement over myself and to others countless times. I cringe while listening to a voice recording or a video of myself talking or singing.
I'm trying to recall the first time I said this about myself...
[Words are really powerful. We often think that what people say to us has a massive impact on us, which it does, but what has an even greater impact is what we say to ourselves about ourselves.]
My early teenage years are marked by memories of me struggling to communicate. The struggle being so much it always got the better of me and reduced me to be a really really quite girl. I could go for hours, days even saying next to nothing.
I also remember a period where I struggled with ear issues. I don't remember exactly what the issue was but I had a build up of wax in my ear and I tried a number of different remedies to unblock my ear. Do you know what it's like when you stick your fingers in your ear and you speak? Try it now and see...hear!
The sound of my voice was quite foreign to me. Being a first generation immigrant I had to adjust the way I spoke and change my accent in order to fit in. I'm sure that in the beginning stages of my time in this country I genuinely didn't recognise my own voice or was confused as to what I should sound like.
[Growing up we didn't really think about accents. Yes the white people we saw sounded different. They were either American or British accents. But the rest of the people around me all sounded the same, we just spoke different languages.]
When you combine these two experiences together; the rarely speaking and the changing of my voice, it's no wonder the end result of that is "I hate the sound of my own voice."
I really did hate it because it didn't sound like me.
David knew who he was. He knew what didn't fit right for him and he was courageous enough to do what he knew he could do in his own way. I'm sure David knew full well that he would be laughed at, mocked and that he would look silly armour-less in front of a giant that had a massive sword. He instead wasn't intimidated by any of that because he knew who he was and he knew who his God was.
I'm reminded of the story of David and Goliath. Read the story here.
When David is getting ready to face the 9ft giant, the King sets him up in is his own armour. David puts it on but straight away knows that he cannot go in them because he is not used to them. He instead slips on what he's comfortable and familiar with; his staff, shepherd's bag and sling shot.
David knew who he was. He knew what didn't fit right for him and he was courageous enough to do what he knew he could do in his own way. I'm sure David knew full well that he would be laughed at, mocked and that he would look silly armour-less infront of a giant that had a massive sword. He instead wasn't intimidated by any of that because he knew who he was and he knew who his God was.
I want to be courageous like that. I realise that I carry these masks and layers of so called "protection" from being laughed at, mocked, made fun of and ridiculed. Particularly in this area of communication. I hide behind my "personality" and being "shy" and identifying as just a "quiet girl" but that's not who I am.
I know who I am and quiet is not who I am. God has given me a voice, he has given me a creative mind and a gift with communication which probably looks like a simple sling shot and some stones but to MY giant it's the most powerful weapon!
I'm in a season in my life where I am going to be released into opportunities to speak to small and large groups of people so the time is now to put an end to the damage saying this statement has caused for me all these years.
"I don't hate the sound of my voice, I'm just not used to it. But I'm going to get used to it because it is who I am!"
Can you hear me now?
This blog is about encouraging and inspiring others to live a life of freedom in faith and fit for purpose.
What layers have you put up in your life that you know are not you?
Are there any statements you recognise that you say over yourself frequently, maybe it's something you say you "can't do" or "will never be" or something you "hate"?
