I'm writing this in a moment of frustration. These moments come and go but recently they have been more coming than going. I am frustrated with my church. I know that is not something new under the sun (mainly for us Christians) but I really need to express my thoughts and feelings hence the blog.
I'm part of a great church but as a twenty something, single woman who is pretty sure she's called to mission, it's a great church but not the church for me.
Let me explain..
I work for the church and so even that can bring its own frustrations. In this line of work or in ministry there is great difficulty in trying to draw the line between church | work, ministry | life. Sometimes these lines get blurred. It is very important for anyone in ministry to have a separation between church and work and over the years I've found helpful strategies to assist that but I'm still learning. Ministry and life on the other hand is a whole other ball game. Cue my frustration.
If I was serving in a church that I felt was MY church, I wouldn't have this issue (so I think) . I'd literally just be doing life and ministry with people I loved to spend time with, loved to serve etc.
Okay, okay, I know. The grass is not greener on the other side, even that scenario that will have its own issues and frustrations too right? Maybe.
So what kind of church do I want? I want to be part of a local church that is Spirit filled, where the word is taught and preached, where the worship team is actually decent, a church that is growing and does welcoming new people well, a church that is strategically seeking the lost, a generous church, a multicultural multigenerational church, a church with good systems and structure. My current church, although slightly behind the times has the potential to be all of the above but that takes time ( as in years) and committed servants. Time we can do nothing about. People however.....and there in lies the root of all frustrations with church. I know people, veterans of the faith, who have served in the church for years, near 20 years and while I admire that so much and actually its what I aspire to do, I'm just like, how??? How can I live for 20 years with this, I can't Lord! Lord I can't. Maybe if I was married, then I could be growing with someone in that church.
Or maybe if I had children, then I would be there for years as they grew. But I don't have any of these things, I don't have anything that's heavy enough for me to stay grounded, to be strongly rooted. The thing that just popped into my mind is that I should be rooted in Christ, yes, absolutely. Christ is the church, as long as I'm in church i'm in Christ, doesn't necessarily have to be this church, does it? (But this growing in Christ sounds like something I could do somewhere else no?)
In a way, maybe yes it has to be this church.
1. Because I've been called to this church right now. I know that for a fact! Jesus always does this with me, it's how I know I'm doing His will and not mine. He tells me to do stuff that I don't want to do. Literally that has been my story ever since I said yes to fully laying my life down for Him. *rolls eyes* He's just been constantly putting me right out of my comfort zone. I can't actually remember the last time I was comfortable. Gosh!
2. Because my spiritual gift if serving. I'm called to serve the body of Christ and that started with the local church. I believe/ know that my more refined calling extends outside of the church but that's literally another blog.
3. Because I am frustrated with this one. And I am the answer to my frustration. This current church I'm in is growing, and needs people like me. People who are unattached, have a few less cares of the world on their shoulders, people who have been called to serve. The things that I am frustrated about are the very things God wants to change in me and bring about change in the church. It starts with me. That is SO frustrating!!!
I really wanted to end the blog there but I've not resolved anything.
What do I do? I think one of the main reasons why I, in particular, am feeling this way is because I like change. I like to see that things are moving somewhere either in me, my life or outside of me. It encourages me and is the fuel that keeps me going. Right now it's a bit stagnant. I'm not sure which season I'm in, even my fitness training as hit a flat line and church is a bit blah. In each of these areas there are exciting things that are going to happen but they are months and months away. This is defiantly I learning king I need to iron out with the Lord. This morning I woke up and thought, maybe this is preparing me for having to live in a very uncomfortable place like on a mission field. It's not as glamorous as I make it out to be in my mind. Its definitely a lot of hard grafting and I think God is preparing me for the realities of that.
What does it really mean to lay down your life for God? It's to surrender all, your likes, your comforts, your space, your ideas of what church should be. How can I stay grounded and rooted in a time when things seem to be going so slow? I forced myself to go to the gym yesterday, I had zero motivation but I've built up discipline over the last few months which goes beyond how you feel and what motivation you've got. That's what needs to be activated right now. The discipline of reading the word of God, worshipping Him and praying. Things I'm not doing so well at right now. It's those things that keep you rooted no matter what's going on on the outside. Its what keeps you from pulling your hair out, or worse, seeking some kind of a thrill or on toward experience. It'll keep you from sin.
Brb, just going to go pray and read my bible.
Here's couple things that have helped.
